Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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