i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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