whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
