Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
