Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
