My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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