that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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