Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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