why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
