operation harelip BJ is a go
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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