idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
