yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He has the fingertips of a God
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
