we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
