bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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