When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
handjob tips. give me some.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
