Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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