I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize