i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Holy shit dude........stairs
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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