god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
