Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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