do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
