he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
