and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
