Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
