Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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