Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
we should paint friendship bongs
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