There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
