I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
