True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
