I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
