Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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