is your mom at the bar?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
