Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
