there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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