You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
