On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
