just tell him i said nine months
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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