I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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