Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
