i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
