Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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