why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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