Don't you send me to vm
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My dick has a subreddit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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