That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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