What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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