I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
