well I can't set my house on fire every night
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
