Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
