Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
