I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
