I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I deserve this hangover.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
