who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
