remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
