I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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