i think my tv is drunk
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
