i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I can text with my tongue
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
