Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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