can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She just used a chaser for red wine.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
