Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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