I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize