yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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