My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
