I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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