Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I need moral support for this bender
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
