we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
